Lets face it... Youve learned jealousy from all the people around you, including your parents. Most people have three core beliefs about relationships that are guaranteed to create jealousy even in the most sexual liberal thinking people. The sad thing is that most of us have absorbed these beliefs without even realizing it! Identifying and dismantling these beliefs in our mind and heart is the single most effective way to short-circuit jealousy. The reason why the idea of a threesome is unthinkable to many people is because theyve been programmed this way. Jealousy Belief #1 If my partner really loved me, he/she wouldnt have sexual desires for anyone else but me. This belief sees any interest your partner has in anyone else as a direct reflection of how much he or she loves you. Its a quantitative view of love which equates the amount of love with the ability to be interested in having another partner. This is nuts isnt it? We are sexual beings and it is normal to fantasize about being with other people. Denying these feelings goes against our nature. Jealousy Belief #2 My partner can only be interested in some one else if Im not a good enough in bed. This belief is even more sinister! With the previous belief you could at least blame it on your partner for not loving you enough. This belief says that if your partner is interested in someone else, its your fault for not being the perfect lover or spouse therefore your relationship must be a failure. If you truly believe that your lover could only be interested in another partner because youre inadequate, you can see how that will generate jealousy big time! Jealousy Belief #3 Its impossible to share love with more than one person at the same time. This belief is built on the "scarcity economy of love; the belief that love is a scarce resource, that only so much goes around and that theres never enough for all. If my partner gives away love (time, love, affection, sex, support) to anyone else, that means that there is less for me. This belief creates fear and uncertainty. If this belief were true, then a mother wouldnt be able to her love her first child as much after she gives birth to the second child because she would have to divide her love between two. In my eyes love is infinite, and the more you give the more you will receive. Amending Your Beliefs The beliefs mentioned below are connected to three primal fears and youll need to work on eliminating these fears. It might take a bit of time and effort to adjust and to create a new set of beliefs. The first belief expresses a deep fear that you are not loved and will be abandoned. The second belief taps into insecurities and the fear of not being adequate or deserving of love The third belief is a fear of deprivation and being starved for love and attention. Think for a moment how much influence these beliefs have had in your life so far. Have compassion for yourself as you work with these beliefs and gradually replace them with beliefs that support your desire to embrace an open relationship. Opting for a Better Set of Beliefs Beliefs can be empowering and disempowering. You are who you are and you are where you are in your life because of your beliefs. If you want to start successfully exploring your sexuality it might be a good idea to opt for a new set of beliefs! Enlightened Belief #1 My partner loves me so much that he/she trusts our relationship to expand and be enriched by experiencing even more love from others. Enlightened Belief #2 Our relationship is so solid and trusting that we can experience with other people freely. My partner is so satisfied with me and our relationship that having other partners will not threaten the bond we enjoy. Enlightened Belief #3 Theres an abundance of love in the world and there is plenty for everyone. Choosing to make love with more than one person is a choice that can exponentially expand my potential for giving and receiving love. Imagine how different your life would be if you actually had this set of beliefs instead of the previous ones. A person with this set of beliefs is not only ready to enjoy a threesome, but also ready to take their relationship to new levels of love and understanding. Unlearning Jealousy If jealousy becomes an issue for you and your partner, you might try working on some or all of these points: Solid commitment Good communication Sticking to agreements Reassuring each other's love before sexually playing with the 3rd person Listening to each other's concerns and taking them seriously whenever they arise Working on these points will eliminate jealousy a great deal, however they wont banish jealousy altogether! Being jealous is simply the way you experience certain feelings. Most people will say things like: Oh, he makes me so jealous The truth is that jealousy is an internal emotion. No person or behavior can make you jealous. Whether you like it or not, the only person who can really banish jealousy is yourself. So if you want to unlearn jealousy you need to stop blaming and start acknowledging your feelings. Next time you feel jealous, ask yourself; what does this jealousy really mean? Suddenly a new set of answers will come to you and youll be able to deal with jealousy in a more intelligent way. Remind yourself that you enjoy your lover's undivided attention any night you wish. However the night of your threesome is about sharing and enjoying. Any hint of perceived competition, or "I'm not getting my share" or "youre paying too much attention to him/her," and the evening will be ruined faster than the speed of light. This may lead to developing a sense of awkwardness afterwards with the third person, and a possible quarrel with your partner. If you make sure you and your partner are both emotionally ready before you actually get involved in a threesome, I can assure you success in taking the first step to fulfilling this beautiful fantasy! www.stepbystepthreesome.com |
