In parent education classes, single parents dating or those looking to date routinely ask this question: When can I introduce my children to the dating partner? Admittedly, one of the most difficult things for a single parent, whether they be custodial or non-custodial, is broaching the subject of dating with their kids. Before a dating single parent even thinks about introducing someone new into their childs life, they should understand where the child is at emotionally during this time. Depending on the different circumstances that kids have gone through, their reaction to the single parent dating may take on one of several forms: They may be fearful of losing the single parent. This is especially true in cases where the other parent has died or abandoned the family. The thinking here goes along these lines: I lost my dad. Is my mom next? Kids may be overly possessive and jealous of the single parents love, not wanting to share mom and/or dad with anyone else. Its not uncommon under these circumstances for the child (usually a teenager) to act out against the single dating parent and their partner, which can cause major problems for any relationship.Your children may not trust any outsiders. This occurs in cases where the non-custodial single parent or ex-lover may have abused or neglected the child.They may secretly be hoping mommy and daddy will get back together again, and will act out ways to accomplish this.They may be grossed out or upset by their single parent dating mom or dad expressing romantic feelings for someone other than the other parent.Single parents thinking about dating should take care because their children almost certainly will experience one or more of the above issues. Before a single parent introduces another person, there are several practical steps he or she can take to help the child and their dating relationship at the same time. The first thing you should not do if you are a recent single parent is to rush into a rebound dating relationship in order to fill the void in your own life. The honest truth is youre not ready for it, and neither are your children. Parenting experts suggest at least a one years wait between relationships. Why do they suggest this? How often do we see single parents go from one dysfunctional relationship to the next without ever learning from the past? And how about the children who get more confused as they experience loss after loss? Instead, use this singleness time as an opportunity to heal, learn and grow as a single parent. Secondly, the single parent who is thinking about dating should keep lines of communication wide open between them and their children. Find out what the kids are thinking or fearing, and honestly discuss it with them. If they just hate the idea of mom or dad dating, dont force it on them. Allow them to express themselves, as you practice patience and compassion with your kids. A few sessions with a respected counselor or experienced minister may also help. Thirdly, the single parent already in a dating relationship should discuss these issues with the person they are seeing, and make a plan on when, where and how they would introduce them to the children. Its interesting that both secular and Christian parenting experts suggest that single parents dating should think twice before introducing their children to people they are casually dating. If the single parent dating partner reacts selfishly or simply cannot understand the childrens issues, I would think seriously about cutting losses and ending the relationship, since this would be just the beginning of problems. Finally, when the single parent dating does decide to introduce their partner to the children, parenting experts suggest it be with little fanfare. In other words, introduce your special friend like you would any other friend, male or female. Avoid using words like love and dating, and do a fun, low stress activity. Only after your children have spent several times meeting with the other person, should the single dating parent discuss the nature of the relationship. Overall, being a single parent is simultaneously the most difficult and rewarding job in the world. Although dating as a single parent comes with a variety of problems, none of these are insurmountable if properly addressed. |
