There may be occasions during your relationship when you hurt your Honeys feelings or s/he hurts your feelings. There may be those rare times that your beloved does or says something that shakes your trust or you do or say something that shakes his or hers.

Those times may seem like the end of your relationship. You might fear that nothing can be said or done to repair the damage. Repairing the hurt is possible if you are both willing to work it out!

When you are hurt do you try to hurt your partner back? Do you hold a grudge? Do you reject your partners effort(s) to apologize and make up? Sometimes partners dont have good tools and skills and dont use their words effectively in emotionally charged situations.

While acting out against your partner may feel good in the moment, it really only serves to make the situation worse in the long run. Acting out creates more hurt feelings and makes it harder for both partners to work through the original hurt.

Here are several essential steps in the repair process:

Acknowledge what happened

Admit that you did or said something that you now recognize was hurtful and unkind or that has shaken your partners trust

Offer an apology that includes acknowledging that you said or did something that hurt his/her feelings or contributed to shaking his/her trust in you

Ask what you can do or say to make things better

Allow your partner time to soothe himself or herself and be open and ready to receive him or her when the time is right.

Remember, only you can make it happen!

Copyright Dr. Jackie Black 1999-2006

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